I know it is strange to introduce you to Devil Dog before I introduce you to Vor, my fiancee and very soon to be husband, but there are some overlaps. (I love you dear, and Devil Dog is a wonderful puppy).
Devil Dog is an eleven year old Golden Retriever who has anxiety attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder, and attachment/dependency issues. Goldens are the best adapted parasite ever--any other being, human, animal, or otherwise, would have been kicked out the door long ago, but Devil Dog is so damn cute.
Devil Dog is the neutered son of Abby and Bubbah, Abby being Vor's family's dog. So Devil Dog has been in the family since birth, and believes himself to be somewhere far above all other dogs, and slightly below humans.
Now, I am not kidding about all of his disorders. One of them that I did not mention are Devil Dog's abandonment issues. When Vor leaves the house, Devil Dog gets very angry. VERY. In his half hour of rage (we're pretty sure he forgets after a half hour and just sleeps the rest of the time he is alone) if he does not have a chewie, only God knows what he will chew.
My personal favorite, and Vor's least favorite, incident is the Granola Bar Incident. Our friends came to visit us, and left several boxes of granola bars on the ground, in a bag, in another bag. Devil Dog, upon being left, proceeded to eat all the chocolate covered granola bars, which numbered twenty-four (24, people, 24 chocolate covered granola bars!). Then he moved onto the Nature's Valley granola bars, which are more healthy.
He ate one. That's a grand total of twenty-five granola bars.
When we came home, his tummy was bulging out on either side of him. I would like to think he regretted his decision, but that would imply that he remembered making the decision, and not just, "Wow, my tummy hurts. I hope Vor gets home soon. Where is he! I'm angry he's not here! I must chew something!"
We saw purple and foil Quaker Oats wrappers for days afterwards. I haven't eaten a granola bar for a year.
3 days ago