Friday, June 13, 2008

How Wide is Your Balance Beam?

This has been a crazy week. Insane. Nutty. Intense. Long.

And it has made me crazy. Certifiably. One fry short of a Happy Meal. Not the brightest crayon in the box. And so on.

Vor, once he takes the bar exam, will be taking the big firm job, doing the technical patent work that is over my head. You know--those firm jobs that we hear about, and as lawyer and law students, are supposed to covet, yet dread because of the long hours.

Since I never coveted said position, I went into public interest, saving the world, one child at a time. I thought, we thought, both of us cannot be in a big firm and the hours it demands.

So why, why, was I the one at work for twelve hours yesterday?

Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome day. But man, was I crabby this morning. I'm just fortunate that today was a slow day, and that I got to leave a bit early. This has concerned me slightly; part of the reason why I went into public interest (a small part, to be sure) is the idea I had that I would have more flexible hours. I mean, someday, I want kids. I don't want to give up my career though. I really do believe that both can be done; you just have to find the balance.

Maybe that's still true. Maybe I'm not seeking the balance right now because I know I don't have to. Maybe I'm avoiding the balance because I know, as a newbie, I have to throw myself into this, heart, body, and soul. It's the only way to gain some ground.

For now, I will give it everything. That way, I can get the job permanently. I can carve out a niche, get some people to know me, and have my own network. Then, maybe then, I'll sit back a bit.

I'll learn to walk on the balance beam later.

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