Dear Nameless Relative,
Vor and I would like to thank you for the thoughtful wedding gift.
I especially would like to thank you for the fact that it was a ridiculous $145 crystal ice bucket from Tiffany's. An ice bucket that was too small to hold a bottle of wine. An ice bucket that was, quite frankly, ugly.
I am writing to thank you for all these qualities of the ice bucket, because it was those qualities that drove Vor to suggest returning it to Tiffany's, resulting in the Tiffany blue bag with a white ribbon sitting under my Christmas tree.
So, Nameless Relative, thank you so much for my piece of Tiffany jewelry--my Christmas present.