Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bar None, But Perhaps Me

The bar application.

It has me in utter knots. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Not because I've ever done anything bad, or ever even gotten a speeding ticket, but just because it's huge, it's important, and I excel at Catholic guilt.

What if I forget every place I lived? I type an address wrong? Where the hell did I live that month I lived in Ireland? I have blocked a speeding ticket from my memory? What if I really am a criminal, and I just don't remember because I was sleepwalking, all through the crime, sentencing, and jail time? Okay, not so worried about that last one.

What if they just don't want me?

I can study for this test. I can take it, and pass it. The application process... I just don't know. I don't have control the whole way through. I can only do my part.

It has to be enough.

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