Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Dear Party Girl in Bar Class

Dear Party Girl in Bar Class,

I know. The bar review sucks.

Oh, wait, you say... it doesn't? That's because, my dear, when I say the bar review, I mean studying to take the bar and become a lawyer. You mean going to every bar in the trendy part of town, sampling all the beer, and then going to shady parts of town and sampling their shots.

Please stop coming in and sitting next to me and smelling like drink and lavender soap.

Really, that issue is secondary to this one: your apparent inability to control your allergies.

Stop the sneezing, sniffling, constant sucking of whatever liquid is in your nose back up. Use a tissue. Use allergy drugs. Or I will use duct tape.

Also, your sneezes echo through the entire room and make us all wince. I can only imagine what the people who are watching these next week (taped version) think. That there is a small animal being squeezed against its will? That as we squeeze it against its will, we are pushing every last iota of air out of it? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll ask them.

So, in summary: Mouthwash. Allergy medication. Tissues.


The Girl Sitting Next To You Who Just Purchased Duct Tape

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