Friday, August 28, 2009

Rhymes With Rant

First of all, the dog. He would like to tell you that his name is Telly, and he is very soft. He says that he misses his litter mates and stares at mirrors pathetically, and that he likes his orange fish toy the best. Oh, and he would also like to remind everyone that he pees, often. On everything. Can I use diapers on dogs?

Second, Verizon Wireless. Seriously? You charged me eight dollars for something that I don't use, and I only hit the button on accident? What kind of information do you think I snatched from The Great Web in 0.004 seconds? Nothing!!!!! I pressed the end button as soon as I realized my mistake! And you are charging me eight dollars for it!!!

Third, insurance. Is anyone else going through an insurance process right now, or possibly grimacing in remembrance when I say the word insurance? It's all just so needlessly complicated, with lots of phone calls, explanations, listening to people repeat themselves, and repeating yourself to an ever increasing list of people who are involved in getting your insurance. There is a nice home at the end of this, though.

Lastly, sleep. I'm sorry, I don't seem to remember what that is. Oh! Yes! It's that thing I used to do--CONTINUOUSLY--from about 10:30 to sometime after 7 a.m. Now there is dog yelping, and sudden intense cramps (ahem, that's a whole 'nother conversation), and the toilet breaking at 3 a.m., and needing me to fix it so that our water bill is not astronomical.

I guess I am just a tad short on patience. I am used to lots of alone time, and the dog really takes that away. I am not used to having to care for something so continuously, and I don't really enjoy it. I do know that once I have Telly trained, he'll be a good dog and a nice companion. He's smart, and it shouldn't take that long.

In the mean time, it's certainly given me something to reflect on. If I can't handle a puppy, how on earth can I handle a kid? I don't like taking care of small things. I like quiet time, and time with Vor. Everyone seems to think they are hilariously funny, saying first a dog, then kids! or, yeah, taking care of a puppy is good practice for you--just like kids! I don't think people realize that the more they say that, the more irritate and obstinate I get.

Just because we get a dog does not mean we are about to start reproducing or putting up a white picket fence around our new house (besides, the covenants and restrictions say no fence). Case in point--I just took the dog out, and someone said, "You know what comes after a dog..." I promptly said, "A goldfish." Taking care of a puppy has some things in common to caring for kids, but it is not the same. I bought the dog. I am not buying the child. If the dog grows up to be mean and bits someone, we'll get rid of it. No go with kids. If the dog ran out into the street and got run over, I would be very sad for awhile, and really pissed about the money I spent getting the dog. I can't even think about that with a kid. But...dogs get out of the puppy stage fairly soon. Kids go on and on and on and...

Patience. Patience. Patience. It's my one word prayer right now.

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