I'm two weeks into my month off, and I have come to one conclusion: I am NOT built to be a stay at home mom.
I go crazy being here all day (yes, I know I can leave the house, and I have been on various errands, but I have nowhere to BE) and I'm here by myself and I can do whatever I want. I can't imagine do this with kids. It feels crushing. I don't know how my mom, my sister, and my sister in law do this. But then, I've always been very different from them.
Fortunately, I've had tons of tasks. House shopping, appliances to go in the house shopping, research, and inevitable errands. Keeps me from being a total crab when Vor comes home.
The most irritating of these errands has been pulling together my certified legal intern paperwork. See, I'm going to be a litigator. As such, I am almost useless to work from my start date until I find out I passed the bar and get sworn in. I mean, tell me the purpose of a litigator who has to be supervised every waking moment? It surely won't take any pressure off the other litigators in my office. C'est la vie, I suppose, and at least I'll be all trained up by the time I pass the bar (cross your fingers, do the sacred pass-the-bar dance for me).
So, the paperwork. I need this so that I can do all the things a lawyer can do, and just be supervised while I'm doing them. I've had to mail away for the forms, get the forms mailed to me, fill them out, mail them to people to complete, have them mail the forms back to me, and now I am onto the stage of mailing the forms to the dean of my law school so she can mail them to the Board of Law Examiners. Several trees were harmed in this process. At least we are using up those stupid 42 cent stamps that are now worthless by 2 cents.
Vintage, my closest friend here in town, got called into work early, cutting her August bar recovery short by two weeks. I almost wish work would call me in early. I can hear you all (and by you all, I mean like four people) saying enjoy your time off! It will never happen again! I miss those days! I understand. I realize I look back at this sentence and say What. The. Hell.
But last night, I had this dream--a dream that represented the entire month of August to me in a picture. August, the month, is a giant black hole. The things I'm doing are on the event horizon, slipping inexorably in (just envision envelopes, houses, and refrigerators flying in). To the outside world, they appear to be frozen in time, they're all moving so slowing into August. But for me, they're moving. Never stopping. Going somewhere they can't be found again.
Check out the song supermassive black hole by Muse. It's on the Twilight soundtrack. You won't regret it.
Sunsets and Swimming
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