At 8 pm every night, we find ourselves the proud parents of a compact little monster with floppy ears. Telly runs around, nibbles, chews, barks, humps (oh, Lordy does he ever hump. everything. the floor, your legs, the couch, his bed.) Then around 9 pm, he is done like dinner and crashes almost mid hump. Thump.
We call this the witching hour. Vor usually treats me nightly to his version of "You Make Me Crazy," which of course, he must sing for Telly, because if Telly had vocal cords, this is what he would sing every night at 8 pm. Even his usually sweet, calm, little face changes, and his eyes look a little wild. I hope Vor is home soon. I don't want to be here alone when this little critter goes bezerk tonight.
Things have been slightly nutty around here lately. So nutty that last night, I was at a loss for words, whether ir came to typing or telling Vor. I don't know if it's because a full moon just happened, or its the economy ( , stupid!), or whether this is my own personal welcome to the legal profession from The Indianapolis Community of Crazies, Inc., but my docket is full of, well, shit that I have never seen happen before, and the likes of which the more seasoned attorneys haven't seen in a long, long time (and dare I say, hoped to never see again). It has literally been like going to work in a zoo.
I can tell this is all having an effect on me. I know I get tired when I'm stressed, and all I've wanted to do is nap. Yawning? Check. Shivering? Check. What can I say? My body reacts strangely to adrenaline.
Oh, F. I just burned the cupcakes.
Oh, yes- and I'm swearing more than I usually do. Which still isn't that often, but still, I don't like it. It's just that nothing else seems to describe the crazy and frustration.
I'm afraid I'm snapping more at Vor too. I mean, let's face it. We are two lawyers in a house. We always have animated discussions, and we both have opinions. It's just that I am so tired of the explaining, the forced calmness with children, upset parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, guardians, etc., the constant politeness, the constant need to make sure that the other side (or other sides, multiple, which is another part of the crazy problem) know I understand what they are saying, and that on some level they may but right, but it just isn't going to be working that way today, sorry! It's just that I am so tired of all this that when I come home, I don't want to play devil's advocate. I don't want to have devil's advocate played to me. I usually enjoy it, but I just want to speak and be heard, be heard and be understood. Or if not understood, then accepted.
Let me be clear--this has nothing to do with Vor. It has to do with the crazy surrounding me. I just have to figure out how to deal with it, streamline it, and then eliminate it. Long hot showers don't seem to be cutting it.
My deranged dog just popped up from a dead sleep. Maybe the witching hour is coming early for him tonight.
It sure as hell has been here for awhile for me.
Our Best Highest Selves
4 days ago