It's always been on my mind--adoption. Even when I was in high school, I remember thinking that was a good thing, a thing I hoped I could do someday. I was thrilled when I found out that Vor thought it was a great idea, too. Someday! We tell each other.
Whenever we talk about it, I express the same concerns I do about having biological children--the time, the changes, the things I don't want to become. It all has to do with how I was raised and how I've grown, more so than the actual presence of a child. But specifically, I always told Vor that I was worried I couldn't bond with any child, let alone one we adopted. Can I really do this? I don't know--that has always been the answer. Vor tell me otherwise.
There's been a shift since probably around December, form mind to heart. This is something I really think I need to do. I don't mean right now, but I--we--need to do this. I can't really tell you what drove it home, because it involves work, but there it is.
I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know.