Well, hello, October. Nice to see you. What do you mean, you are halfway out the door? Where have I been? Well... umm... you see...
First: I traveled to Las Vegas (VIVA LAS VEGAS) for the bachelorette part of doom. It was a good time. Vegas was fun. I can't imagine staying there longer than a weekend, but a good time was had by all.
Second: I traveled to Virginia to see my brother sworn in as a colonel in the Air Force. I played with nieces and nephews a like, hugged my brother, and had a good time. I am so very proud of him. I also got a nasty cold from someone that I am still recovering from.
Third: both of these little trips have taken me away from Vor and the dog, neither of whom have been pleased with my long weekend absences.
Fourth: I have an on going battle with my maid of honor dress. First, the bride told us which dresses to get, but hurry, becasue they were on sale now. I go out the next day online, and they are already out of my size. Heck, they were out of every size larger than mine. My only choice is to get the next size down. So I do, figuring that I've lost so much weight, I will at least be close, and I can alter up.
Yeah. Then I hit a snag in my progress, and I've been gaining weight like crazy. It happens when I am stressed (wondering why? here and here and here, for a flavor) and when I can't sleep. Check and check. In the grand scheme of things, I would not worry about it, and it will even out when I get my stress levels and sleep under control. BUT I HAVE A WEDDING IN THREE WEEKS.
I had her alter up, but even in the time from when I gave her the dress to when I was fitted again, I must have gained more weight. That and the alterations lady made an admitted mistake when she measured me. The dress does not fit. The dress will not fit. The dress cannot fit.
I called the company, and now I am on the waitlist for an dress in that color, damaged or not, my size or higher. They are sending me a dress that is a petite in the next size up (which probably means that it will function like the next size down from the size I need) that I can either squeeze into or maybe use for scrap material. THREE WEEKS.
I don't do crash diets. I think they are unhealthy and terrible examples. But, people? I think I may be out of options. That or some emergency liposuction. Or maybe a miracle, where someone returns a black plum dress from J Crew.
If you are reading this and are the owner of a black plum dress from J Crew, I need that puppy. Right now. Send it to me.
I'm not kidding.
Sir Winston Churchill II
1 day ago