Friday, September 28, 2012

High Crimes and Cardinal Sins

The follow shall receive punishment, punishment being me banging my head on the wall:


Destruction of Sandra Boyton books (preformed by the dog)
Allowing a wet diaper to remain on a baby’s butt for longer that one minute and forty five seconds
Garbage cruising and destruction thereof (done by dog and Lis as a tag team)
Stuffed animal revolt (punishable by de-stuffing, preformed by dog)
Refusal to immediately hand over all electronics to Lis (I thought Otterbox cases were indestructible?)
Playing NPR instead of music in the car while Lis is in the car
Fast forwarding through the Deep Space 9 opening credits (kid likes her music)
Stopping the car if Lis is asleep
Barking for no reason and waking Lis up
Putting the wretched yellow thrush medicine in Lis’s mouth
Refusal to stare unblinking at Lis while she is in her bouncer
Refusal to stare unblinkingly at Lis while she is sitting on the floor
Refusal to stare unblinking at Lis at every waking moment

I came home yesterday and discovered three books, chewed up and on the floor.  All the laundry had been removed from the laundry room and was all over the house.  The garbage can had been upended, and my dog greeted me at the door with a twinkle in his eye and a wag in his tail.  It was almost puppycide.

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