Wednesday, September 19, 2012

That Dweam Within a Dweam

Scenes from a Marriage:

**********

Scene: After a long difficult night with Her Ladyship Lis.

Him: I think she’s just a stomach sleeper.  She just rolls onto her stomach to sleep.

Me: I’m totally down with that if she will just sleep FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 

Him: I just put her down on her stomach last night and she slept for four hours.

Me: What do you do when you put her down on her stomach? [thinking he might turn her head, move her arms, etc.]

Him: Well, if I told you, then I would be revealing my super secret skill that means that I ALONE am the awesome putter-to-sleeper, and we can’t have that, can we?

Me: [wordless growling, gnashing teeth]

**********

Scene: I’m making scrambled eggs.

Him: Did you hear about that new book?

Me: No, which one?

Him: Memoirs of a Quiche-a.

Me: [groans]

Him: I heard it was egg-cellent.

Me: You really crack me up [showing him the broken egg shells].

Him: The joke just suddenly hatched in my mind.

**********

Scene: On a walk with Lis and dog.

Him: What did one melon say to the other? Cant-elope.

Me: What did the fish say when it ran into the concrete wall? Damn.

Him: What did one tractor say to the other? Move a little closer, John Deere.

Me: What did the fish say when it ran into the boat? Oh, ship.

Him: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He—

Me: YES I KNOW THAT ONE STOP GROSS. You win.

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