This past Sunday, I admitted defeat. After Lis finally stopped screaming and went to sleep, I sat in a chair for almost an hour, silently crying and staring straight ahead. When I finally got a grip, Vor made a comment about how we need to do a better job of vacuuming the floor (“I can’t believe you let her run around on this floor”) (which sounds like a real jerk thing to say, but I know that by you he meant we, and yes we have a dog who sheds, so there you go), and I took everything out of context, and I just stood there, crying, unable to say a word. I basically stared straight ahead for aloes to two and a half hours that night, not speaking, not moving, just crying. Vor was baffled. I was not.
Sleep, people. We all need some here.
Usually, when you see someone post about how they had this breakdown, its followed by, “Oh, but that night, she finally slept,” or, “She slept better, and I got some sleep,” but no. It only got worse. Before it was just waking up. Since last Friday, it’s been hysterical screaming, shaking, eyes wide open but not seeing, must be in constant contact with one of us. Night terrors.
I took her to the doctor yesterday. Hand, foot, and mouth, AGAIN, which is undoubtedly not helping the sleeping. And night terrors. For which you can apparently do nothing.
Vor and I are falling apart because of the lack of sleep, the constant screaming, the stress, etc. I can’t stop crying at every.little.thing., and he is losing his temper. We are deliberately (subconsciously) taking everything the other person says the wrong way, and becoming offended at every word out of each other’s mouths. We’ve lost all patience with each other, because we have to lose it with each other, and not her. In an effort to keep as calm as possible with Lis, we are directing all of our frustration and angry and hurt and lack of sleep at each other, because, well, I can take if he gets mad at me, and vice versa.
Is it always like this? Are all kids sleepless like this? Do all new parents never ever sleep and watch their relationships disintegrate because of sheer lack of sleep?
I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do, how to help Lis, how to help ourselves. I feel like we just can’t catch a break. It’s just NOT FAIR, DAMNIT. I have a baby who went through massive surgery for something that could have severely injured or even killed her. It was terrible, awful, and now this, too? Now I also have a baby who can’t sleep, who wakes up every hour screaming?