Friday, February 1, 2013

What You Wished For

I’ve mentioned, here and there, a few times, every so often, etc., etc., etc., that while I love my job, I love the nonprofit I work, I do good and worthwhile work… I want to change jobs.

I don’t want to leave the company—it’s just that I have had on my eye on the research/writing/presentations/end of things.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved what I am doing (litigation), and I’ve built up a nice name and reputation.  But, I really wanted to get in on the publication and policy end of things.

An opportunity dropped in my lap a few weeks ago—a chance to apply with a position similar to what I described above, but not with my small nonprofit.  I would have to leave.  I hemmed and I hawed, and then just as I was deciding to go for it, door number two open, the angels sang, and another things dropped in my lap. 

Unfortunately, it means one of my co-workers, my friend, is leaving.  It means giving up the job I have. 

I’m really torn about this.  I’m upset (okay, I’m downright pissed) that this person who I have become friends with didn’t bother to tell me a damn thing beforehand, and just announced it en masse.  Really?  We hang out, our husbands hang out, we drink beer together, we go to movies, we carve pumpkins, and this is how you tell me?  REALLY? 

I’m somewhat regretful about leaving the litigation end of things.  It’s the area where it feels like you do the most tangible good—you are actually there, representing the child, making a quantifiable difference.  Although I dislike public speaking and at one point, I thought I would rather die than be in a courtroom all the time, I’ve found that I am really quite good at it.  Other people think I do well at it.  Judges appreciate my civil, low-key but direct style.  I’ve actually come to enjoy the courtroom.  I like being out and about with all the other attorneys and judges and clerks.  On the other hand, I won’t miss some of the extremely nasty pointless behavior by other attorneys.  On the OTHER other hand, part of my new job description is still carrying a (reduced in size) litigation docket, so I guess I may not miss this at all. 

I’m excited about the writing, and the publications, and the research, and the presentations.  And then, I’m nervous about the presenting and have abruptly decided that at least twenty pounds needs to go before I’m standing in front of crowds of people all the time (VANITY WHAT). 

So, my next few months are going to be super busy, is what I’m saying. 

4 comments:

Kate Sherwood said...

Congratulations! This sounds so exciting for you.

Sorry about your friend. Maybe she is just very concerned about appearing to keep everything above board. Perhaps she knew you would love this position (since you are friends) and did not want it to look improper that you would be the first to know it was opening up?

Anyway, congratulations, again. I love wonderful exciting news.

Butterflyfish said...

Congratulations!!

Re: "Vanity." Ordinarily, I'd say fuck that, you're awesome, blah blah. But I sooo know the "lose 20 lbs before I want to be seen in front of people" feeling. You know what you need to feel comfortable. So instead I'll wish you luck :-)

Grace said...

Maybe... I'm just not in the headspace yet to see reasons why, I'm just annoyed still!

Grace said...

Oh, I am ALL OVER IT. Meals plans, increased workout time, etc. CLE, here I come!