Friday, April 12, 2013

Underwater

It's been... difficult. Interesting. Lively. Exhausting.  All those things--it's been all those things around here, and more.

This new job is running me down, fast.  I love it--I love all the research and writing and presenting at CLEs, etc.  It's just really hard to be doing that, still carrying my own (much smaller) litigation docket, and training my replacement, which means going to court on all my old cases.  It also involves quite a bit of gentle redirecting opposing counsel.  They automatically come to me, because I was the main litigation for so long, so I have to nudge them to right people now.  I'm getting to the point where I am more firmly and less gently nudging them.

I've also taken on a huge commitment at work in the litigation end of things--a new case that is only a week old and threatening to swamp me.  Bonus, I've gotten us signed up for insane amounts of conferences in October, and I have myself committed to a series of presentations at local schools for teachers and students.

In baby land, I no longer have a baby. I apparently have a toddler who toddles and runs and climbs and spins and sticks things electrical outlets (or rather, tries to) and makes off with the remotes and climbs on the dog.


Also, she doesn't stay still for a picture anymore, so all the pictures I have are blurry.  I much MUCH more enjoy this stage than small baby land.  Now that I am in this stage, I feel free to admit that I kind of hated non mobile baby stage.  This stage certainly has its challenges--the sense of a fruit fly, the strength of an angry grizzly bear, the determination of a bulldog, the complete lack of reasoning, much like a Dalmatian--but she is so much more enjoyable than the non mobile must always be entertained baby she was.  

Oh.  We're back to not sleeping. So that might have something to do with the lack of posting and huge exhaustion.  (see below for a rare moment of sleep)



Lots of people we know, couples we are friends with have kids her age, and they're either pregnant or trying to get pregnant.  I know there's a bunch of my fellow MILPs out there doing the same, or maybe you already have second kids.  I just... I can't.  When some tells me the good news, yes, I am happy for them--it's fantastic!  

But when I try to consider it in the context of my own life, I feel like throwing up.  I really never thought I would feel this way. I thought, I always thought, we would have (at least) two kids.  But the thought of a second child is the stuff of nightmares right now.  It's everything--it's my job, it's our marriage, it's his job, it's and how jealous I am of my time with her, it's the terrible pregnancy, it's the surgery, it's the not sleeping.  It all is just too overwhelming to even consider. 

I also have four unpublished drafts for blog posts, so I SWEAR I will get around to that.

In short, I'm keeping my head above water, barely, and using a straw to reach the air when the water passes over head.  

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