Thursday, July 25, 2013

Six Unrelated Items

Me: Lis, what does a sheep say?
Me: Lis, what does the cow say?
Me: Awesome! What does a dog say?
Lis: (quietly) huff. huff. huff.
Me: Great job!
Vor: That's nothing. Watch this: Lis, what does a coyote say?

Our job here is done.


We've been making some major and minor improvements around here, such as painting, locating the occasion vase or candle stand on sale, and installed a pergola on our deck.

Let me tell you about this pergola.

First, the freaking instructions are clearly translated from a language that is not English, because they make no sense. Second, the way they want you to put it together is impossible (SEE: LAWS OF PHYSICS) unless you have four adult, 6'7" males putting it together. So we had to do some makeshift work and improvise, and tack things down to the deck while we lifted and held other things, and I was precariously balanced on a ladder, and I don't like heights, and you see where this going, don't you?

Yes, I lost my balance and took the entire effing pergola down. Mind you, we had been putting it up for two and a half hours already and it was 10:30 pm, and we were working by the porch light. I thought Vor was going to serve me with divorce papers when the whole thing came crashing down. All's well that ends well though--we got it put back it the next day after another four hours of labor.

Anyway, it's up and it's nice and we are still married.


The aquarium was AWESOME. Even better was that we took Lis to IKEA, and she climbed on every single sofa, chair, and stool, because it's all Swedish and low to the ground and she is a monkey who likes to climb. She loved the sharks and the brightly colored fish, and spent two and a half hours announcing to anyone who would listen FFFSSSSSHHHHHHHHH.

Even better was the fact that while we were relaxing in the suite part of the room at night, my brother Facetimed us from The Land of Sand and IEDs. It was fantastic to see him and talk to him, and we made him laugh and hopefully brightened his day. He wanted to call to wish Lis a happy one year anniversary.

I didn't cry once during the trip. Other than my brother's good tidings wish, I didn't think about it once.


I joined a new gym, one that has a "coach" who works with me once a week. It's a classes only gym as well, so I can't just go get bored on the treadmill, I have to actually engage and interact and work. As a result, I've lost five pounds. Much more effective.


As I suspected, I am really missing litigation. This is in part because (1) I am in the midst of the really disgusting sex crimes chapter, and (2) my litigation docket has hearings coming up that are promising to be really fun. Thus, things are weighted in favor of the court room, and I miss it.

You know why else I miss it? BECAUSE I GOT TO BE A JUDGE PRO TEM, THAT'S WHY! I can't even tell you how awesome it was to be judge for a day. I hope I get to do it again. I also got paid a very nice compliment by a judge, who asked me if I was applying for a magistrate position, and when I said no, she said she really thought I should.

I was deathly afraid of the courtroom at first. My face turned red when anyone would speak to me. Now, I own it and I move around it with perfect ease, even if I still get nervous. I can make the objection before my brain has caught up with my mouth, and I have the case law and statutes ready to go. It took me all this time to get here, and now I am in office all the time, not in the court room, and I really crave the rush.

I told my family on the day I was judge pro tem that they could address me the rest of the day as either Judge Grace or Your Honor. I refused to respond to my siblings unless I was addressed as either one. I'm pretty sure I drove them nuts, but hey, that's what your baby sister is for, right? RIGHT? I went back to normal the next day, promise.


We have a party this weekend for people from Vor's office. Among other things, that means I need to clean the house. Like, now. Instead of blogging. Notice how well that's working.

1 comment:

CM said...

Judge Grace has a nice ring to it.