On Sunday morning, I ventured off to to Target with Lis, solo.
Yes, I have taken Lis to Target before, both with and without Vor. However, I rarely take her solo when it is also a Sunday (very busy) and also my main day to do grocery shopping. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've never made that tragic mistake. She loves loves loves Target--so many people to see and things to remove from their shelves and relocate to new shelves.
Such as, oh, let's say, jars of olives and pickles.
I can see you shaking your head. Grace, you say. Why not just hold her/put her in the cart/wear her in one of those hippy baby slings that she HATES/give her your phone to distract her/sacrifice your hypothetical second born child to the goddess of whatever in an effort to keep her happy? Believe me, I tried it all. Lis was only going to let me grocery shop if I let her walk around.
At one point, I was wrestling two jars of beans and a glass jar of olives away from her when the slippery little sucker managed to spin, grab pickles, and smash the pickle jar.
So, Sunday morning started with broken glass and pickle juice, and we were all very traumatized by the whole thing. I paid for the broken pickles, because I am not an asshole, and I felt terrible and like a terrible parent who had no control over her child.
Lis carried on for the rest of the day in this general fashion, somewhat crazed and mischievous and generally trying my patience and wearing me down fast. What started tragically, of course, ended just as tragically. We used this weekend to install Telly's new electric fence--he's taken off one too many times and earned himself an electric collar. Whilst putting on the finishing touches of the invisible fence, Telly took the opportunity to wander into our neighbor's yard while we were talking to her, locate a pile of rabbit turds, and roll in it. Lis, highly in tune with her puppy, decided to go help him roll in whatever it was he was rolling in, and hey! this looks like fun!
Sunday evening ended in a dog and baby with rabbit poop all over them.
This happened in the span of thirty seconds. I don't know how they manged to get to so poop covered in thirty seconds, but they did. and hey, it was a really big pile of rabbit poop.
We pulled out the hose and the baby pool and filled it with water and soap and hosed them both off and washed them outside, because hell no are you coming back in the house with rabbit poop on you.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: AT NO POINT when I signed up for this parenting gig did I also check the optional box for RABBIT POOP.
Sir Winston Churchill II
1 day ago