Wednesday, March 19, 2014

And Cut

Scene: The second electrician has failed to show up at the house at the appointed time. No show, no call. Just like the first electrician. We need the electrician to come to the house. Damn it, Jim, etc.

Me: I'm sorry another electrician has flaked out on you.

Vor: (sigh of disgust)

Me: What the heck is it with these electricians?

Vor: They just can't make the connection.


************

Scene: The living room, where Lis is loudly demanding CATS PUPPIES CATS PUPPIES, meaning she wants to watch Animal Planet and see cute kittens or puppies. Vor is trying to get her attention and get her to come over to him.

Vor: (tackling me to the floor, pinning me to the ground)

Me: (incoherent shrieking)

Vor: Lis! I've got Mommy! She's all mine! No Mommy for you!

Lis: DADDY. CATS.  PUPPY.

Vor: Come here, Lis!

Lis: (Actually CLAPS HER HANDS at Vor, all "chop-chop!") No, Daddy. CATS. PUPPY.


***********

Scene: The weekend, after changing yet another false alarm diaper. The suspense grows.

Me: I don't think she's actually pooped since Friday. This is not going to be pretty.

Vor: Maybe she's stopped up.

Me: Constipated?

Vor: Yeah. Did you ever hear the one--

Me: Yes.

Vor: --about the constipated mathematician? He--

Me: Yes. Oh god, yes. Stop.

Vor: --tried to work it out--

Me: STOPIT!

Vor WITH A PENCIL!

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