Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Here's The Thing

How did you know you ready for motherhood?

There are several categories that my general confusion and frustration over the subject falls into right now. Here they are, in creasing importance to me.

The Practical. The whole idea seems crazy. You want to put me in charge of a small being? Dependent on me for everything? I lose glasses on a regular basis. One time, I deliberately yet accidentally threw out my wallet. I need alone time on a regular basis or else I melt down.

The Emotional. I don't feel ready. I feel immature, irresponsible, brand new, like a kid still myself, selfish. I know I am not these things (okay, maybe I am sometimes selfish, but its usually selfish with Vor's time--I always want more and all to myself!)--it's only how I feel when it comes to parenthood.

The Imaginary. I can't see it in my mind's eye. I can see Vor as an amazing parent. But as soon as I try to interject myself into that picture, it fades. I don't see a disaster, I just see--nothing. I've always been able to see myself doing the thing I want to do--whether it was visualizing the routine I was about preform or going to law school, I am a visualizer. I just don't see myself doing this.

Sigh. How did you know you were ready? Do you just take a leap, or did you know you wanted kids?

Monday, February 21, 2011

If You Give Me An Inch

If you give me a car ride, I will ask for a cup of tea (or coffee).

If you give me the tea, I will ask to go to Borders.

If you take me to Borders, I will ask to buy the Fodor's Guide to Ireland/Poetry Managzine/Gardening magazine.

If you let me buy the book/magazines, I will settle down in your office chair and begin to read.

If you then take me home, I will read from the book the whole way home and ask for your input.

If you give me your input, I will make you read the book yourself.


So, that would be how I spent my and Vor's Saturday--and a wonderful Saturday it was. I also made huge progress on my book project, which had the unexpected bonus of provoking a pretty decent piece of poetry out of me.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Week 2

One picture a week for a year.

I give you: Blood Rush to the Head!

Crazy dog.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Long Hot Shower Needed

I would just like to point out that I have spent the last 45 minutes picking up the um, land mines, care of the dog, in my backyard.

And then I discovered that we have some kind of white mold that looks like grits growing on our grass.

I'm going to go take a shower!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Marking Thyme

The finalized plans for my backyard growing extravaganza:

Vegetables! 1. Onions, bulbs and scallions; 2. spaghetti squash; 3. bush beans (basically snap beans); 4. carrots; 5. radishes; 6. peppers; 7. tomatoes; 8. swiss chard; 9. lettuce, and 10. sweet potatoes, if I can get them. If not, oh well.

Fruits! 1. Strawberries; 2. Blueberries, if I stumble across them.

Herbs! 1. Basil; 2. lemon basil; 3. lavender; 4. cilantro; 5. sage; 6. rosemary; 7. chamomile; 8. mint; 9. garlic; 10. garlic chives; 11. chives; 12. oregano; 13. sweet marjoram.

Flowers! 1. Marigolds (to keep away the pests); 2. Nasturtium (because they are edible, taste like pepper, and are gorgeous).

Actually, the herbs and flowers will be fun. You see, there is--was--this stupid magnolia tree that we hacked down. Unfortunately, at the time we hacked it, we didn't have the proper tools to completely take it down to the ground, so there are still some fairly good sized branches coming up out of the ground. Since nasturtium is a climber, I'm going to plant it at the base, and let it have a ball climbing. The herbs are going in a circle around this spot.

I've got seeds, and plans to buy plants that transplant better. I have drawn out plans, and I have lists. Now I am just waiting for the weather to be better!

Project 52

One of my friends from law school started her own fun little project: Project 52. It's one picture a week for a year.

She is a great photographer that I can't even begin to compete with, but I used to be decent, and I miss it.

So, here we go--starting this week!

(and as my camera transfers pictures over, I see that I have 131 new images on my camera... I really need to be better about taking the pictures off it!)

(...slowly... slowly... slowly...)



Monday, February 7, 2011

Mightier Than the Sword

I've ranted several times on here about how I lost my inspiration when I went to law school.

My writing really dried up. I used to write poetry--free form to the most rigid verse possible. It would just come out, and it was good. It's hard to say that without feeling like a jerk, but people really seemed to live it, and some pieces were published. I had a dozen short stories going, and a half dozed longer term plans.

Then law school hit and it was all I could do to stay awake long enough to finish my work and then sleep for four hours before it started all over again. I had dreams about my textbooks eating my fingers. There was no room, no time, no place, no juice.

Then I finish law school, and then I take the bar, and then I am a lawyer, and holy crap, I've been a lawyer for more than a year, and we're talking about a family, and what would happen to my career if we have kids, and where did the time go? This then spawns the breakdown that leaves me questioning what I am doing, and why I am stifling my creative side, and how to get back to doing the thing I love.

Yes, that type of thing.

So, about three weeks after that little breakdown, Vor has helped me more than I could have possibly imagined. Yes, there was listening, and talking, and suggestions, but more--much more--he gave me a universe. He created a political universe for me to play in, and my writing has come back with a vengence. I've gotten character sketches, the total plot outline, the back story, the overall political landscape, the future events, the terms, technology, and the science. Next step is just the pure, creative, writing.

God, it feels good.

Here we go.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

This year, we are doing a garden. I have a fairly green thumb, so much so that when I mentioned the garden, Vor got a very worried look on his face and said, "But the tomatoes. Remember the tomatoes?" We had so many that they invaded the driveway, climbed up the house, and I was making sauce, freezing, and donating tomatoes left and right to the neighborhood. There were still tomatoes left over.

So, you are about to be treated to my rambling planning (as my windows ice over from the ice storm--the irony is not lost on anyone, I'm sure).

Where? I would do square foot gardening, but A) I don't know how my neighbors would feel about a 4x4 square in sight of their back windows; B) I'm pretty sure that would be a neighborhood housing code problem, free standing semi permanent structure that it is and all; and C) it really just does not go with my future gardening and landscaping plans.

So, container gardening it is, for now. We have a huge deck, and the veggies herbs and fruits can bask their little hearts out in the sun.

What? I am positive the following things will be grown:
1. Small Veggies: Radishes, Carrots, Onions, Bush Beans
2. Larger Veggies: Winter Squash, Eggplant, Tomatoes, Peppers, Lettuce, Sweet Potatoes
3. Fruits: Strawberries
4. Herbs: Garlic, Basil, Rosemary, Sweet Marjoram, Mint (OMG, invasive little thing that it is, I am so glad I containerized my mint plant last year), Oregano, Cilantro, and maybe one more, if inspiration strikes.

Maybe? I am hedging on a few things--to plant or not to plant, and a little bit of design angst.
1. Beets. I love, Vor hates. I think I may just ditch them.
2. Leeks. I love the taste, and I use them in soups. But where do I put them?
3. Blueberries. The bushes are small, at least to start, and they do well in containers, at first.
3. Strawberries. Yes, I am growing them. But where? I am tempted by this vision of putting strawberries in hanging baskets, and seeing those luscious little red fruits tumble down the sides, floating tempting mid air. If I did that, it would free up room for the leeks where the strawberries were originally going to go.

Things Making Me Go Hmmm...
1. Raspberries. My mom has a raspberry bush in her backyard. When I was little, I would go out in the morning, pick some, and put them on my cereal. Slurp.
2. Fruit. Could I maybe pull off a dwarf apple tree? A dwarf peach tree? On second thought, I want an apple tree in my backyard someday. My grandparents had an apple tree in theirs, and I would just wander in and pick up apples and make apple sauce, fresh. Sigh.
3. Tropical Fruit. If I am down with bringing my little container inside, could I have a lime tree? A fig tree? An olive tree? I eat olives like it's my job. Same for limes.
4. Nuts! While I am on fanciful topics, I wonder if there is a nut tree that would grow in this climate. Almond? Hazelnut?
5. Winter Squash. I eat spaghetti squash all the time, so I want to grow it. It's a climber though, and I think it may be a pain. I'm trying to think of ways around this--ie, give it something pretty to climb on.
6. Speaking of hanging baskets, why couldn't I grow pole beans out of a hanging basket? That would free up container space, and the pole beans could climb their little hearts out.

Complete And Utter Day Dreaming:
1. I've come up with a few sketches for what I want the backyard to look like.
2. The first is the stone patio with little nooks and crannies that I can actually use to grow my vegetables. Of course, I want an arbor to let my winter squash grow onto! I also have this great idea for running poles and lines around for climbing flowers to grow on, making a little privacy fence out of flowers.
3. The apple tree. Or maybe the nut tree.
4. Tearing out those rose bushes (not my favorite) and planting the blueberry bushes there.
5. Or maybe, tearing out those rose bushes, planting raspberries there, and removing some of the shrubs out front and replacing them with blueberry bushes--which are extremely pretty bushes, by the way.

What would you grow? Am I missing something good? What about your fanciful garden day dreams?

Ice Ice

BABY! We have an ice day today!

I had a nice little post all ready for you, but I wanted to give you this little gem of a mental image instead:

There is so much ice on the ground that my dog thinks the entire world has turned to concrete.

Since my dog has been trained to pee on grass, he won't pee, because that would be being a bad dog, right?