Here's the thing. I HAVE to go back to work after le bebe is here.
I know I've said I would want to do that for me, for interaction, to use my degree, for my sanity, blah blah blah.
I have to go back because I have a mountain of student debt from law school.
I rocked ungrad. I left with no debt. Between my parents' smart moves, my scholarship, and my athletic scholarship, all I had to do was pay $100 a semester towards my meal plan. And I paid that by myself, thank you very much.
Law school was a different story. I had always known I would be on my own for grad school. And in the end, I was--sort of. I took out all the federal loans I could that had no interests attached to them, and the rest... well, I borrowed from the Bank of Mom and Dad. Legit borrowed, with an interest rate and spread sheets and everything.
I have to pay it back. Because if I don't, my siblings will come break my legs. They are my parents' enforcers. Just kidding. Kind of.
So anyways, this debt to my parents makes me feel the need to pay it off faster and even more diligently than I would to Sallie Mae. But it is huge. HUGE. It is made even HUGER (it's a word now) because of the fact that my salary is small. I am not tapping Vor's salary for this, because (1) he has his own law school debt (2) we have a house (3) we have a new mini van (Did I mention that we bought a mini van? No? Well, while I do my walk of shame to the mini van, let me tell you how much I love it) (4) we have bills and (5) BECAUSE. It's my debt, and my problem.
We see the problem of course. We need my salary, however small. My loans must be paid. Le bebe is coming. I can take some time off, but I must go back. Because... well, start this paragraph over.
So, I did what any lawyer in the children's law area does--looks at Carefinder Indiana, the Indiana government website that tracks all licensed day care providers, complete with enrollment info, complaints, and inspection and enforcement information.
And then I did what any mother to be does--I completely freaked out reading some of the complaints, inspection discoveries, enforcement actions, etc. Even some of the best palces did incredibly stupid things. Poor Vor is working at his desk, and was listening to me sniffle and moan.
But what can I do? We need the money for the bills.
Our Best Highest Selves
4 days ago