Monday, March 31, 2014

Pop Quiz: Aced


Despite the doctor's fears (and mine!) it was not a poisonous spider bite. Lis apparently has eczema, gifted to her via me, so that's a delight we can share in together. Then, she had an allergic reaction to the laundry detergent, but it only manifested itself on the eczema patch. All in all, it ended up looking just like a really dangerous and getting worse bite.

Of course, after playing outside all day today, I looked at Lis's neck, and she has two little puncture marks close together, so she was clearly bit by the vampire that lives under our deck.

Really, the challenge was going to be me. I knew that whatever Lis's problem was, I was addressing it, and it would be remedied. I was unsure of my ability to keep my shit together while explaining the bite/patch/whatever to the doctor, let alone wait while tests were run. I was terrified of her saying, "Yup. ER." And yet, I did it. I was calm, I soothed an increasingly pissed off toddler DONT TOUCH ME MAMA DONT LET DOCTOR TOUCH ME, I showed changes in the patch, etc.

It may seem stupid, especially how it played out to be nothing, but I am pretty proud of myself. The last time Lis had a medical procedure done was when she had pneumonia and had to have a chest xray and I stood there, tears just rolling down my face, paralyzed. Nothing major had to be done this time, nothing that was too reminiscent of our little sojourn in the hospital, but I was hanging out there under threat of the ER, and I still kept it together.

Baby steps.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

MILP Round Up #340

So! This is my first time hosting a roundup! This is the MILP (Mother In the Legal Profession) Roundup, where we gather out posts for week.Let’s just try to get this one right, hmm, and we’ll worry about a theme next time, okay? I promise you, if I left you out, I didn’t mean to. It’s not you, it’s me.

LL has now sent me on a shopping scamper twice: once for books, and once for really cool things that I didn’t know existed, but I now know that I need (like that floating coffee mug).

Dinei is overdue, and doing the childcare dance, no thanks to her family.

CP took a trip and made me drool for BBQ.

RG has found that one of the side effects of reality TV, specifically HHI, includes nostalgia.

Queen of Hats described her ideal book club.

Shan is really moving her revolution forward!

Hard Boiled Egg is finding that just a taste of spring is not enough, and might be worse than no taste at all. 

Daisy would like to know if you are her people?

Go tell Kate congrats for surviving the MPRE!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Pop Quiz

I thought karma was supposed to pay you back. That’s the idea, right?

So, in the veins of karma’s a bitch, if you’ve done a bad turn to someone else, you’re supposed to get some payback. But what if you’ve been on the receiving end of some Bad Luck From The Universe? Shouldn’t you get a break?

This is my way of asking why the f*#k I am waiting for the doctor, then probably on to the ER, with a kid who got bit by a poisonous spider. Thanks, Karma. I would have sat this one out.  I am taking deep breaths and using all my new calming techniques and telling myself that it will be OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. Not only I am (obviously! first! foremost!) worried about Lis, I am also worried about my ability to take my daughter into a hospital for the specific purpose of treating a (somewhat? maybe? definitely?) scary problem without losing it.

I guess the proof is about to be mixed into the pudding. 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

MILP Roundup #338

I got to join the cool kids  and host MILP roundups (flips hair back over shoulder). Okay, we're all a bunch of lawyers, so I don't know how cool we are, but you're all my people! ANYWAYS, RG had the roundup, and Butterflyfish did the mother of all roundups.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

And Cut

Scene: The second electrician has failed to show up at the house at the appointed time. No show, no call. Just like the first electrician. We need the electrician to come to the house. Damn it, Jim, etc.

Me: I'm sorry another electrician has flaked out on you.

Vor: (sigh of disgust)

Me: What the heck is it with these electricians?

Vor: They just can't make the connection.


Scene: The living room, where Lis is loudly demanding CATS PUPPIES CATS PUPPIES, meaning she wants to watch Animal Planet and see cute kittens or puppies. Vor is trying to get her attention and get her to come over to him.

Vor: (tackling me to the floor, pinning me to the ground)

Me: (incoherent shrieking)

Vor: Lis! I've got Mommy! She's all mine! No Mommy for you!


Vor: Come here, Lis!

Lis: (Actually CLAPS HER HANDS at Vor, all "chop-chop!") No, Daddy. CATS. PUPPY.


Scene: The weekend, after changing yet another false alarm diaper. The suspense grows.

Me: I don't think she's actually pooped since Friday. This is not going to be pretty.

Vor: Maybe she's stopped up.

Me: Constipated?

Vor: Yeah. Did you ever hear the one--

Me: Yes.

Vor: --about the constipated mathematician? He--

Me: Yes. Oh god, yes. Stop.

Vor: --tried to work it out--



Sunday, March 16, 2014

Giving The Mouse A Cookie

My MIL has a streak of OCD that results in the dust just hovering above every surface in the house, too afraid to actually land on anything.

In reality, she just sweeps and dusts and cleans and vacuums far more than I ever will. She has a cleaning lady, and then she cleans up after the cleaning lady. She's passed the trait on to her son, also known as my husband. My husband had the (mis)fortune to marry a girl who was more than happy to let the clean clothes sit in a pile on the floor, because at least I knew where all the clean clothes were, and I didn't need to rifle through anything.

Five years ago, in the interests of martial harmony, we agreed that we would forego having cable television so that we could have a cleaning lady. BEST DECISION EVER.

Vor also has this tendency of rearranging furniture. It never starts out as wanting to rearrange the entire room and every item in it, but that's the way it ends up, every time. He starts off wanting to hang a picture on the wall in the living room, and suddenly the dog is cowering in the corner and the couch is 270 degree from where it was, as is everything else in the room.

This happens about three times a year: spring, late summer, late fall/early winter.

We've been watching one of our bookcases slowly bow further and further under the weight of all the books we have in it. We've also been watching the very sturdy bookcase we wanted slowly drop further and further in price, until last Sunday, when it was on clearance. SOLD. It was delivered to our house Wednesday, and was assembled by Friday. "We're just swapping out this book case for the broken one, right?" I asked repeatedly. "Nothing crazy, right? Because if you're going to go all spring fever on me, I need to make a crockpot meal and take some Tylenol now." I was REPEATEDLY ASSURED that it was a simple book case swap.

It was not a simple bookcase swap.

Every single book was removed from every single book case. We have eight (8) (EIGHT) bookcases in our office of varying sizes and shapes, and they are doubled stacked with books (i.e. a row of books behind the books in the front). Items were removed from walls. Vor has a u-shaped desk, which is 2 L units put together. One part of one of L units was removed to create a reeeaaallly long L shaped desk. Bookcases were dusted, carpets were vacuumed. Things were put in places that were not the places they had been put in before. Books were sorted, reorganized, and stuck out in our hallway.

Then, Vor had the brilliant idea to invite friends over, and "Don't worry. We'll have all this cleaned up by the time they come over at 4:30."

No. no, it was not, and everything was basically shoved in a jumble back into the office and we shut the doors. After Lis was put down for the night and our guests left, I sat in the office chair--the only free, clean space--and read Pride and Prejudice out loud to Vor until well after 11pm, while he organized books. It wasn't that we were done at 11 pm, it was that we just decided it was time to go to bed. He finally finished this afternoon, while I made dinner and we abandoned Lis to the TV for 45 minutes.

People (lawyers) always disapprove of slippery slope arguments, saying it's not likely, its extrapolating too far, and so on. People. This was a slippery slope in action. I gave the mouse a cookie, and then there was the glass of milk, and it ended in a new office.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Things In Random Order

On a whim, because it was Lent, because I frustrated,  because I was sick of headaches, because a million things, I gave up Twitter and Facebook.

It's amazing how my headaches have gone away since then, probably because I spend less time looking at a screen for no productive reason. I'm not a "spend hours on Facebook or Twitter" person, but I guess it really adds up after awhile. In related news, I think all of my headaches are induced my computer/phone/ipad screens, which is kind of a problem for an attorney who is in the midst of writing a major publication.

Vor and I, about two months ago, got into doing yoga together. It has been surprisingly hilarious and fun and relaxing, and hearing my twisting triangle-posed husband swear at the yoga guy and call him a f---ing sadist was a real highlight of my night. Probably my week. Maaaaybe my month. Anyway, it was funny enough that I told a judge, in front of whom I practice regularly, about it and she spit out coffee, laughing.

I was nominated (thrown under the bus) by my colleagues to spear head a major redo, improvement, extension, etc of our website and the materials on it. It makes sense--other than our IT guy, I am the most tech savvy person in the office. But, oh god, it is a lot of work. It just piles on top of all the stuff I am supposed to be doing, like writing, and researching, and litigating.

Lis is...Lis. She's two. One moment, she is snuggled in lap, with her head nestled onto my shoulder, gently stroking my cheek and telling me she loves me, and the next? I have a bloody nose because she hit me so hard that my ears are still ringing. Lis seems to have eschewed any biting problems in favor of hitting problem, and that girl can SLUG. She is off the charts in height and weight (proportionally), and her coordination continues to be alarmingly good. All of her various and sundry specialists are also alarmed at how coordinated she is, and more than one have asked me if there are any Olympic athletes in our family. Um, yes. Several. God help us, I think we have an athlete on our hands. Not that Vor and I are any strangers to being competitive in sports (me especially), but we both tend towards the education/music/books in our preferences.

I think painting is an addiction, because now that we have the huge open areas of our house painted (entryway, hallways, living room, upstairs open to the living room, kitchen), Vor is having me pick out colors for the upstairs bathroom. This time, we are going to do it ourselves (haaaaa oh god).

Vor has decided that I need a regular break, a small chunk of time that belongs to me and only me. So, starting last week, he takes Lis on a date on Saturday mornings, and I get about two hours to myself. Last week, I took the longest shower ever, did some work, and read a book. This week, I'm going to the gym, and taking the next longest shower ever. I think this Vor-Lis date thing might result in higher water bills.

My broken toes are healing, I think. They still hurt if I do a particular movement, and my range of motion is not 100%, but they are much better. My mother in law is out of her cast, and done with all the surgeries. Her face still looks really bruised though, and it's moved into the yellow/green stage of bruising.

Because I am desperately trying to savor Babylon 5, Vor and I randomly started watching a Buffy The Vampire Slayer last night. About five minutes into it, I turned to Vor and said, somewhat suspiciously, "This feels like Joss Wheadon. Does this feel like Joss Wheadon to you?" Yes. Yes, it does, Grace, because IT IS.

Speaking of TV, our TV watching has drastically gone down since it is staying lighter, longer. Why? Because Lis won't go to sleep until it is dark outside. We put her to bed at her usual bedtime (6:30/7 pm), and she sits in her crib and howls and talks and laughs and plays and chitters and whines until 9 pm, when the sun disappears and then she passes out. She wakes up incredibly grumpy. We have to be really quiet while she is awake, because if she hears us, she will sob until she throws up if we don't come get her. If we are quiet, she just plays and talks to her stuffed animals.

On that note, after she gets up from her nap, I think we are going to buy some better blackout curtains.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

How The Cookie Crumbled

We've been really excited to get the inside of our house painted, because it's been white on white with white as an accent color since we moved in. We picked out our colors with care and deliberation, so please don't tell my husband that I told the painters the wrong colors for at least two of the rooms.

It looks fabulous anyway.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Lily Pads

RG gave me this idea in this post, and I thought it sounded great. Everything has been such a drag, and I haven't been able to think about anything good--it's all felt so awful and overwhelming this year. So, it's time to find the good--the definite bright spots I/we can look forward to this year!

This weekend: Vor and I are going to the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra after we go out to dinner.

March: St. Patrick's Day, which means I can dress in green from head to toe, and she can march around with her red head, and I'm all, "Yep. Irish baby, a souvenir from our trip to Ireland." Also, Guinness, corn beef and cabbage, and Irish soda brad, made according to the exact specifications of my Irish grandmother.

April: My mother comes in to town for five days; I go to Tucson to visit family for a long weekend, and I am buying cowboy boots. No power in the 'verse can stop me.

May: I get to do the bulk of my garden planting; one of the partners for whom Vor does work throws a huge party, which is always a blast. We get invited, because we are friends, not just co-workers. Oh! A day where my office is closed, but daycare is open, so freeeeeedom!

June: My birthday, and possibly a quick trip to Boston for my SIL's bachlorette party. We also usually do a big day at the zoo in June.

July: I love the Fourth of July, although I really do hate fireworks. But I love parades! My brother will come home from his deployment this month, and I will be so much happier when he is here, instead of in SandLand. This July is also 2 years post-op for Lis, which...yeah. We will probably do something on that day as well.

August: This month is huge. My brother will officially take command of an entire Air Force base; My SIL gets married; and we combine her wedding with our vacation. We go to Seattle for a week and a day. Can't wait. Vor's birthday is in August, too.

September: Nothing planned, so I am going to make a plan right now. MASSAGE.

October: Yes! I get to dress up Lis in a ridiculous outfit and steal her candy! Halloween! Also, fall around here is awesome, so we will do a trip to orchard, get apples, get a pumpkin, and maybe go leaf viewing and hiking.

November: Thanksgiving. It will be low key this year--us, my MIL, some stray friends, etc. Vor does a great job with the turkey, and no one can beat my pies (apple; secret pumpkin recipe; chocolate bourbon pecan pie; etc). Also, I have another day where the office is closed, but daycare is open.

December: We are having Christmas is Tucson, and my entire family is descending upon the city like the locust we are. Me, Vor, Lis, My sister and BIL and their four kids; My brother and SIL and their three kids, my parents, my SIL's parents, my SIL's sister, my MIL, and probably Vor's sister. It's going to be epic. I'm not sure the poor city of Tucson will survive us.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Lis was being a small bit of a PITA this morning, and I kept saying to Vor that she just wasn't acting right. No fever, no other signs of illness, just...PITA. She yelled NO at me the entire drive to school, and when I got out of the car to unbuckle her, she projectile vomited all over herself, the car seat, the car, and of course, me.

NO = I DON'T FEEL GOOD MAMA TAKE ME HOME NO SCHOOL TODAY. Okay, Lis. Noted for future reference.

She and I both had to change outfits no fewer than four times. There were three baths. All the furniture in the house is covered with sheets because, of course, we just got new furniture. My MIL offered to help and have us come up there, but it ended up being extremely inefficient. I ended up helping my MIL more with stuff (remember? she fell and broke her wrist and her face and had to have two emergency surgeries? haaaaaa oh god). I got about 3 hours of work done. I am now one week and two days behind in my work, due to snow, surgery, and sickness.

We have friends I've mentioned before who have a special needs child--the child was extremely likely to die at birth, but here she is, four years later, still alive. She has a terminal diagnosis, though, and small things, like colds, can be really dangerous for her. She has pneumonia.

Our friends with the baby in the NICU had some great strides, then some major back pedaling, and their son is now back on the respirator, and has holes in heart. I suppose backsliding while in the NICU isn't unusual--two steps forward, one step back--but it's hard to see, and it's so hard to help them.

My broken toe hurts, three weeks later. I am getting a sinking feeling that it did not line up right and it is setting incorrectly.

2014, you suck.