Imagine my surprise when I went to pull up my blog, only to not find it not in my history. Imagine my surprise when I typed in the address, only to discover I was signed out. Imagine my surprise when I tried to log in and realized I had forgotten my password.
I suppose it's not hard to imagine.
I spent the last two years writing a legal textbook. I finished it. It sapped my energy, my will to read and write, and my brain. When January came around, I vowed to write several times a week for fun and fun alone. I've been doing really well with that. I just haven't been doing it here.
It's funny--when I was in law school, I suddenly stopped writing creatively. I thought law school had sapped it from me. It turns out, that's not quite true; law school and then being a lawyer had taken my time and energy, and creativity isn't a boundless resource. You have to put x in to get y out. I was not putting x in; therefore, there was no y to be had.
I've mentioned from time to time, that there's a book that I'm working on, probably like every other blogger. I've been doodling and noodling on it for years, but since January, it's really exploded. I have been tearing through it at breakneck speed. I'm not sure from where the fuel came, but I am going to burn it and keep going. So! It's been fun. I'm really loving the writing again, and it's been so long.
The other thing that happened is that one of my co-worker gave us notice that she was leaving, a little over a month ago. We are a small not for profit; there are four lawyers spread out over three programs. I have inherited all 50 (FIFTY!) of her cases. So, yeah, the book I was working on for my job is done, and I should be able to resume my normal duties, but no. I just tripled my case load in addition to my other duties. We found someone to hire--yay!--but that person can't start until April. Boo hiss.
Lis has been... well. There have been multiple nights where I've put her to bed in her room and sat outside her door just crying. I'm sure it's just the threeness of it all, but she can be really terrible. Like, ripping my hair out, trying to claw my face, telling me she hates me terrible. Then all of a sudden, she's sweet and charming and it makes me feel like I'm crazy, like I'm the problem. The whiplash is just too much. It's hard to say this out loud, because I love her so, but man. She is not an easy kid.
I'm still reading all your blogs, though I rarely comment--your security phrases and my autocorrect combine their evil forces and sap my will to comment. I do better by email, or twitter, because I can actually have a conversation with someone on those, rather than monologuing here.
Things are good. Things are busy. Things need my attention here. Things have normalized. Things have changed. There are things I want to do, and things I need to do. I shall go do those things. Maybe next time I check in, I'll have finished this book, or Lis will be potty trained, or our new person will have started, or something else. I don't know; I will return, but there are other things I need to do first.
Our Best Highest Selves
4 days ago